Intro

I decided to start this blog on my walk back from the gym in my grandma's gated community in Fort Myers, FL. I'm here for two weeks with my husband saddled with the task of  what I call "grandma-sitting." My grandma has Alzeihmer's and therefore requires near-constant supervision. Family members visit in shifts so that she can continue her normal routine of inhabiting her large 4 bedroom home in Springfield, IL for the bulk of the year, while snowbirding to Florida for a few months when it's too cold for her to ride her bike outdoors. Thanks to a multi-million-dollar trust my grandfather set up before he passed 3 years ago, the role of "caregiver" comes with a generous employee package: all expenses (travel, food, entertainment) covered along with about $150 in spending money per day. What makes it even sweeter is that my grandmother makes for an entertaining and harmless third wheel. She has completely lost her filter and anything you say is forgotten within a couple minutes, so nothing is off limits or can't be discussed with her present.

I'm turning 31 this month and it has led me to examine my life and conclude that I want this current reprieve from working to be permanent. The old folks in Florida look so happy! I quit my job at the end of September when our lease ended to our lovely 2 bedroom apartment in Chicago. Both my husband and I couldn't stand the city: the traffic, the cost, the people. We hated it so much that we lived there for nearly a decade. But now we are settling into my mother's attic in St. Louis, MO. Upgrade!

Living situation aside (I'll get to that later), I have realized that if I want to no longer work, I have to look the part. After leaving my eating disorder behind in college (ok, it lasted longer than that, but whatever), I have put on some lbs. Plus, I developed a mild case of adult acne. The fuck, hormones? I had the most beautiful skin most of my life; removing my minimal makeup before bed was never even a part of my routine. Then I hit my mid-twenties and my chin decided to sprout some evil. I'd also like to get a nose job, but that's low on the list. I smashed my face into the side of a jungle gym while swinging on a rope while a preschooler. According to my mom, the smocked white dress I was wearing looked like it had been tie-dyed red, as I came toward her with arms outstretched, mouth agape as if to embrace her in some zombie hug. The idiot intern at the hospital did not set my nose properly, leaving me with a "deviated septum." I realize thats the excuse that women on The Real Housewives use for any cosmetic surgery done on their face, but I swear it's the truth! I have the bloodied dress to prove it.

Anyway, this blog is intended to chronicle several journeys: maintaining my early retirement while still living a life of luxury, losing weight without puking, ridding my face of hormonal gremlins, getting "married" (we got legally married in October 2016 so I could get some health insurance. Our parents don't know so shhhh) in the fall of 2017, and then whatever lesser important events come my way (offspring?). Enjoy the ride! I'm hoping I do...